How to Raise A Crook

When I held my new born son in my arms and looked into that soft and tender face, I didn't wish for him to become a drunk, a drug addict, drop out school and ultimately wind up in prison for car jacking.  My desire was not to raise a crook.  Nevertheless, I still did a very good job. Those of you who would like to pursue the ambition of every parent, raising a felon, will find the following tips very helpful:

The Do's

1.   Give you child EVERYTHING they want, regardless of whether or not you can afford it.  This way they will grow up with the sound and healthy belief that it is everyone's right to possess everything they desire, no matter what it takes.

2.  Let them watch EVERYTHING they want.  Television, videos and the internet offer all they could possibley need to get along in the world and will provide excellent standards.

3.  Give them PLENTY of spending money.  This way they will have to face the frustration of earning their own.

4.  Buy them their own car as soon as they can drive (sooner if you can get away with it) so they will have their right of freedom to go wherever they want.  Promptly pay their gas bills and any expenses related to the vehicle, i.e., insurance, repairs, tickets, etc.

5.  Give them breathing room.  Let them be their own person.  Let them experiment with drugs, alcohol, sex, alternate lifestyles and so on.  They will then be able to make an educated decision about who they would like to become.

The Don'ts
1.  NEVER give them spiritual training.  Wait unti they are twenty-one and can decide for themselves.

2.  Avoid at all cost using words like "no" or "wrong".  This might make them feel guilty and greatly stunt their social development.

3. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT make rules for them.  Not only might this make them angry, it would also prevent them from growing to their fullest potential.

4.  Do not assign them chores at home!   YOU do the work for them or pay someone else to do it.  They must learn at an early age to leave responsibilites to others.

Finally, the most important tip of all
BLAME, BLAME, BLAME  When they get bad grades and get in trouble in school, blame the teachers, blame the principal, blame the books.  When they get in trouble with the law, blame his friends, blame his father, blame his mother, blame the police, blame the judge.  And, when you run out people to blame, blame God.

Train Up a Child
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